Until recently, you were seen as a cheat if you had a fling outside your relationship, and if you had multiple relationships, you were definitely a playboy or, worse still, a whore.
Today, the narratives are changing, and the world is beginning to accept the concept of variety in relationships. Terms like “open relationships” are getting more popular, and having multiple partners is becoming a question of choice. While people now have the freedom to make such choices, they must be guided by considering the pros and cons of having multiple partners.
The Pros Of Dating Multiple People
Exploring Your Options
You don’t know how much you can have until you explore different options. There have been several instances of people who settled for less, only to realize after tying the knots that they could have gotten more. The major upside to dating multiple people is that actually you are openminded and want to find couple and make decisions from a well-informed place. Think of it as shopping for a piece of jewelry. You really can’t tell how well it will fit if all you’re allowed to do is stare at it on a show glass. But if you could try each one on, you’ll make better choices because you know what they look like on you. However, you wouldn’t go to a jewelry store and try pieces on if the company policy prohibits it. In the same vein, your partners should be aware from the onset that they are not the only ones in your life. Otherwise, it’s cheating.
Get to Know Yourself
Because no two humans are the same, the dynamics of every relationship is unique in itself. With multiple partners, Cinderella gets to see some sides of you that don’t come alive when you’re with Barbie. For you, that means you get to see all the different sides of you that there could be. Sometimes, you don’t know how you’ll react or what you’re open to till you find yourself in certain situations. Multiple relationships may just be the mirror for your soul.
The Cons of Dating Multiple People
It Gets Too Shallow to Go Deep
Because you’re used to relating with so many people, you may develop commitment issues when you finally choose to be with one person. It’s not so easy to stick to one meal when you’re used to doing buffets. Maybe you’ve not decided to commit to one person, but you can tell that your heart is drawn to one of your partners compared to others. In this situation, you have to hold back because you don’t want others to feel like they don’t matter as much to you. The divided attention may be exciting at first, but it becomes limiting when it’s time to focus.
The Fear Of Settling For Less
According to Loren Soeiro PhD. ABPP, multiple dating makes it “seem as though there is always someone better for you than the person you’re dating, or even just meeting, right now.” Soerio also says that “with such a preponderance of options, maybe it doesn’t seem worth it to treat anyone as a real priority.” The next best thing might be somewhere close. “What if I’m settling for less?” These are the thoughts that mark your hesitation.
Been There, Done That
When you engage several partners into a threesome at once, you’ll experience dating burnout. Caitlin Cantor LCSW, CST, CGT says, “When you have dating burnout, you become less emotionally available. You go on countless dates, but you don’t feel much for them. You wonder if it’s the people you’re meeting or if you’re no longer capable of having feelings. Your self-worth is shaky, and you feel hopeless, sad, and helpless. Dating feels more like a chore than an exciting opportunity.” You don’t want to reduce special moments to mere routines. That’s why you should take it one step at a time.
Both pros and cons are valid, but it’s left to you to pick a side. Check your heart to know what works for you. You can always change boats along the line, as far as it works for you.