So Monday night was the second episode of Private Lives of Nashville Wives titled "Fun Sponge." We got to see a bit more of the ladies' personalities and not all of them were as pleasant as they were on the premiere.
Here's a recap of the show complete with pictures screen captured from the episode that you can watch here if you happened to have missed it on Monday.
In the opening scene, we have Erika who gets a visit from Cassie. Erika decides to show Cassie what really gets her going … empty closets.
Well empty, clean, and echo-y closets.
Aside from a love of empty closets, Erika also reveals that she's not a party animal and that she doesn't get out much. She admits that she's probably not the most fun and that she feels like the dud.
But hey, she has all kinds of sexy costumes (and hats!) for the bedroom so it all balances out.
Erika and Cassie then have a pow-wow about how being a musician's wife is the hardest thing ever.
Hey, I can't pay my electric bill this month, how about we trade for a few days?
Yeah, I guess one person's hardest thing ever is another's STFU.
Cassie, whose husband is Christian musician Gary Chapman, reveals that when she met Gary he had nothing after losing his shirt in a real estate deal. She also revealed the surprising news that Gary is a 9-to-5er who currently works for School of Legends.
Then comes the news that Erika's husband is taking the kids out on the road with him for a few days while he goes to perform.
Girls' night here they come.
Cut to Sarah Davidson who is getting ready to head to Roanoke, Virginia to perform at Sidewinders.
Not much in this scene except Sarah and her band do some practicing and we learn that chips and salsa and cheese dip are Sarah's faves.
Hey, guess what. Cassie and Gary have a baby … an adopted baby, which leads to loads of stress because the pair are still in the 10-day period when the mom can change her mind and take the baby back.
Meet adorable Eva Rose. Cassie reveals that she and Gary tried for two years to have a baby the natural way but when that didn't work out they turned to adoption. Along came this precious little girl.
We do meet the birth mom who comes over to Cassie and Gary's house bearing 20-pounds (give or take) of breast milk.
Yeah. That's a lot of breast milk.
Sarah and her band hit the road for their gig later that night. Sarah announces that she buckled her seat belt because Patsy Cline got into a car accident and was thrown through a window two months before she recorded Crazy.
Sarah is clearly not buckled up so not sure what the heck was going on with that. Reality shows. Pfft.
Meanwhile, back to Erika's house where she's running around trying to get her boys packed up so they can go out on the road with Bryan. Erika turns into a neurotic, pillow-obsessed mess.
Hey, I'm sure we've all been there.
On a side note, this is the face of a kid who clearly needs a vacation.
Back to Cassie and Gary's house where new mommy Cassie has a bit of a vomit situation (the baby's, not hers). She then talks about her upcoming Sip 'n See party. Apparently southern ladies have a tradition of everyone getting together to sip champagne and stare at the baby. Her hubby's interesting ringtone is revealed. Cassie also breaks down talking about how nervous she is that the birth mother will change her mind and want Eva back.
On a side note, I think we've found the next Gerber baby.
Sarah and her band get to Sidewinders Steakhouse, the venue for her show that night, only to discover that the venue has spelled Sarah's name wrong on the sign outside.
Sarah (with an h) explains that despite her husband Dallas working with some of the biggest names in music, she is making her own way and not riding his coattails. She then helps set everything up for the performance to prove that she's not afraid to get her hands dirty.
I don't know about you but I was convinced by her handling of the white-board name debacle that Sarah (with an H) was a go-getter, do-it-herself kind of gal.
Now that Erika has managed to get the men in her life shipped out (hopefully with pillows intact), she's ready to dance, dance, dance. The wives all gather to get ready and spend most of the scene complimenting each other and putting themselves down.
Cassie hopes to just relax and forget her baby mama drama.
Their chariot awaits. Kind of looks like a panoramic picture gone bad, eh?
Jenny Terrell reveals that she flew in just for the girls' night and that she's wearing a hat because she just had her extensions removed. Erika chimes in that she needs to get extensions and Jenny quickly points out that Erika always puts herself down.
"Erika, don't you know nobody likes skinny girls who think they're fat … and definitely nobody likes ultra gorgeous soap opera stars who have all of these mega problems," she chides.
Erika has planned a girls' night out at a honky tonk in Nashville and then reveals that she doesn't think she's ever actually partied in Nashville.
Why do I have a feeling the twins are texting each other?
The girls arrive at their destination. Unfortunately, the Swingin' Doors Saloon appears to be a bit slow that night. The girls give Erika a lot of crap for it being a "library."
One of the twins (still can't tell them apart), makes a comment about how Erika probably just googled honky tonk and the one they're in was the first that popped up.
In Erika's defense, I googled honky tonk and the Swingin' Doors Saloon wasn't actually the first thing that popped up … a BBQ joint in Chicago was. So there.
Seriously, though, they all need to lay off Erika. She's a self-described dud, what did they expect?
Now we finally get a formal introduction to Tina, the "Queen of Bling."
I think Tina may prove to be my spirit animal.
Then come the gifts. Are you supposed to bring gifts to a girls' night out? Hmm.
Erika gets a beer maiden outfit but won't go and put it on because she says it's for her husband's eyes only.
This doesn't sit well with Ana.
Then out come the hula hoops.
Yes, hula hoops. Not sure if there was a hula hoop vendor on the street or what.
"How can this woman not have a man?" Jenny wonders aloud about hula hoop maven Ana.
Erika doesn't dig the hula hoops, but gets up and does it anyway. She then gets asked to dance by a guy in the bar but turns him down out of respect for her husband.
After deeming Erika a party pooper, Ana decides to show her how it's done by sneaking off to the bathroom to change into Erika's newly-gifted beer maiden outfit. This, not suprisingly, pisses Erika off. Also not surprising is the reaction of the various hovering men.
Meanwhile, Sarah's getting no love at the steakhouse and no one's really paying any attention to her efforts to entertain them. She's frustrated but keeps going anyway.
Luckily this dude showed up and got the party started.
Okay, he didn't really get the party started, but at least he made a drunken effort.
Back at the girls' night, Erika throws a lot of shade at the costume-stealing twin who later goes and sits with Jenny so they can talk about how boring the night is. Costume-stealing twin then talks about how bland and meek Erika is.
Thank God they didn't have these sort of televised confessionals when I was in high school. If they did, I imagine it would be just like this.
Skip ahead a few days and it's the day of Cassie's Sip 'n See. It's also the last day that the birth mother can change her mind.
I'm fascinated by the fact that Cassie has a hair dresser curling her hair while she and her hubby talk about the stress of hoping the call doesn't come from the birth mom. I really need a home-visiting hair dresser.
The Sip 'n See-ers descend on Cassie and Gary's home where we learn a few things about the ladies.
First, Jenny reveals how she really, really wants to get her hands on Cassie's precious little Eva Rose. She also may or may not have a gingerbread house in her backyard that she tries to lure small children to.
Next we learn that Erika can still whip out an amazing soap opera surprise face when the need arises.
We also discover that Tina might possibly be part giant.
Oh, and Jenny doesn't have a problem food shaming the skinny bitches.
Then the phone rings, but ends up just being an alarm Gary had set to let him know when Eva Rose would officially belong to them legally.
Now that the baby mama drama/Sip 'n See is over, it's time to get back to the bitchiness. The costume-stealing twin, Ana, joins Jenny at her house so they can trash talk boring Erika. They come up with a plan to tell the "fun sponge" what they think of her and her un-fun ways and decide if she is thankful for their honesty then they will pursue a friendship with her.
Honestly, though, who needs friends like that?
Be sure to join me on Twitter (@NashvilleGab) Monday night when I will once again be live tweeting the wives' lives when the third episode airs on TNT at 8 p.m. MST.